Let's Dance!

 

In my excitement to start a family of my own soon after getting married, my mother seemed less enthusiastic about the idea and seemed to have nothing but words of caution to offer.  I took it personally at first, viewing it as skepticism directed toward my abilities. I did not stop to really consider where her apprehension stemmed from at the time.  According to Ginott, "children learn what they experience" and I experienced great joy throughout my childhood and family life.  My dad explained it best however as he compared the difference between my Mom and I to dancers on a dance floor.  She had been dancing for many years.  Her feet hurt and she was ready to sit down and relax.  I however was on the forefront of the experience tired of watching the other dancers and ready to test out my own dance moves. 

As I considered my Mom's perspective I began to see the lurking task of parenting as overwhelming and frightening. I was comforted, however, as I reconsidered the main goal of parenting.  In the book, Between Parent and Child, Ginott explains that the main goal of parenting is to help a child grow up to have compassion, commitment, and caring.  So how do we do that?https://content.byui.edu/file/d8eb8fca-89c5-4432-a589- 59a57e705539/1/Chapter%2010%20Combined.pdf   

The link provided helps us answer that very question.  Dr. Ginott shares several helpful tips.  1. The beginning of wisdom is listening 2. Do not deny your child's perceptions 3. Instead of criticism use guidance  4.  When angry, describe what you see, what you feel, and what you expect, starting with the pronoun, "I." 5. Praise 6. Learn to say "No" 7. Give children and choice and a voice in matters that effect their lives.  

I have six children and two are now emerging adults.  There are many days when I question my parenting skills and wonder if I have done enough.  Then in other moments I am blessed with the gift of reassurance that my children are beautiful humans.  I was once shopping with my oldest son and he had a Gatorade and sunflower seeds.  A man walked in with a filthy shirt and caught my son's eye.  He turned to me and asked, "If I put my things back can we buy him a new shirt?"  My heart was touched I happily bought the shirt along with his treats.  I am grateful for his kindness and ability to see the needs of those around him.  While I know we have our hard days like everyone else, overall we have not been tapped out of this dance contest just yet! 

Here are a few dance moves keeping me on the floor:

Leap - Leap into your children's interests and learn all that you can about them.  If they love anime learn the Japanese names; if they play sport learn the rules; and if they love minecraft let them show you their worlds (even when it gets old! haha)

Spin - Put a spin on how you see things to try to better understand their view.  When we try to see things from our children's perspective not only can we come to know them better but we can also know how to respond to them more effectively. 

Kick - Kick old habits that we continue to repeat even though they have proven to be unsuccessful.  Be open minded to new ideas that may benefit our relationships.  The minute we think we know everything is the minute we take the "relating" component out of our interactions. 

Pivot - Being willing to change directions.  Sometimes we dig our heels in on certain situations because we have already committed to a certain idea.  When we find ourselves struggling and in need of change be humble enough to stop and turn around.  

Emote - A dance is not actually art if no one connects with it.  The dancer should feel the music and emote accordingly.  When a dancer is willing to be vulnerable and express emotions those on the dance floor or even in the audience can feel inspired. 

I remember one year I had a solo that I was able to perform in our annual dance recital.  I came out with an opening trick and with some misstep on my part I fell forward and put my hands down.  I jumped right back up and kept dance despite my embarrassment and disappointment.  After the recital ended, throughout which I had several other dances that went smoothly, I approached my family who were all very proud and excited to see me.  Of course, me being my hardest critic went straight to the "well I almost fell in my solo."  I will never forget what my dad said.  He told me, "you can train a monkey to do surgery, but when something goes wrong I guarantee you will need a surgeon."  I felt lifted up in my time of being down.  As parents, whether we are tired and ready to get off the dance floor or just coming on, if we can be kind and approach each other as people, we can do do better as family.  

5,6,7,8......Dance!