I Cross MY Heart

 

I Cross My Heart!  

We often use the phrase honesty is the best policy but how to we get our children to actually believe it?  Children have a natural tendency to respond to situations in whatever way necessary to avoid punishment.  While raising my kids I always reiterated that if they were honest with me up front there would not be a punishment but there may be a consequence.  For example: if someone broke a window and they came and told me about it they may be responsible for helping financially with its replacement; they would not, however, be grounded, lectured, etc. for coming forward and being truthful.  If a child makes the decision to come to their parents and be honest about something that is difficult to admit and they are met with immediate anger and punishment, they will be less likely to choose to handle a situation like that again in the future.  They will quickly realize that if they can hide their mistakes they may also be able to avoid punishment.  Not only does this encourage children to be less the forthcoming but it also hampers the belief between a child and a parent that the aforementioned parent is one who will be helpful and supportive with problems that arise.  The hope for children to feel safe to approach their parents is further supported in the following article. 

https://www.savvykidsar.com/honesty-the-best-policy

Another way that we can assist our children in being honest is by not putting them in a situation that sets them up for dishonesty.  For example, if you have already seen a broken item that they have taken and hidden, instead of asking "do you know where such and such item is?" or "did you break your such and such?" just be forthright with them from the beginning.  Bring the item to them and say, "I see that you such and such item is broken.  How did it happen and can I do something to help you fix it."  This will be more conducive to effective communication than asking questions to which we already know the answer.  Kids covered in chocolate are still prone to deny, deny, deny when asked.  Give them the out by putting it out there that you already and know and want to work together to figure out how to move forward from that point. 

Parents can be a driving force in steering their children toward honesty by providing a good model of such.  We ourselves should do all that we can to be good examples.  When we fib about child's age to get in the movie cheaper or ask dad to tell grandma that mom is not home when she calls set the stage for less than truthful statements being an accepted part of our family way of life.  Amore subtle way that we may appear to be dishonest is by using poor parenting techniques with which we are not able to follow through.  For example we may offer up bribes that we are unable to produce or on the flipside we may make threats that were unreasonable from the beginning.  We may also be perceived by our children as perhaps less than honest at times by using the words "I promise" in regards to certain statements.  Does this not imply that perhaps some of the other things we say are not entirely trustworthy? 

parents example serving as an important tool in building honest kids is further discussed in the article shared in the previous link. 

The follow blurb comes from an example shared from a BYU professor in response to a family situation.  She had a child who could not resist the temptation to look for his gifts while his family was not home.  As a parent she had several options in how she could choose to respond.  This is a beautiful example of celebrating honesty while still recognizing the presence of an unavoidable consequence. 

"I had a choice to make. What I said next would be a defining moment for him, as this situation was quite emotional. I could be angry, tell him Santa would not be visiting, and tell him that I didn’t trust him, OR I could help him understand that there is always a way to make up for mistakes, help him understand that while there would be consequences, everything could be made better.

"I have had enough experience with my children to know that my relationship with them, and teaching them to have a relationship with their Savior, is more important than toys at Christmas.

Here's to keeping our priorities straight and being good examples of honesty!